Roses For Mom, Fire For Me, Glory to God!

Last June 14, 2011was my mom’s birthday. It is the same day my mom and my dad celebrates their anniversary. It was a double celebration last Tuesday.

My dad had an idea of sending my mom roses. I will buy the roses here and tell my mom that it was from the three of us: me, dad and my li’l brother.

I was in a hurry to leave office on that day because my mom is going to bring food at my lolo’s house. I don’t want to get home (at my lolo’s house) too late because I would have let my mom wait for me for too long.

So before I pursued my Tuesday, I already know where to buy roses. It is at RFC, Las Piñas, the nearest store. So in my mind, I planned out everything for the night. I expect everything to go the way I planned it. (That’s so Ryan.)

Strike 1 It was nearing 6 pm at my office when one of my officemate superior asked me for a favor. It was a task that took me minutes past 6 pm before I finished.

Strike 2 When I got out of the building, it took me several minutes before I found a taxi. (‘taxi’ means PUV na motorcycle).

Strike 3 Then upon reaching MRT Ayala, I was looking for a bus that will not pass by MoA but there was none. Instead, I rode a bus that passed by MoA and took us several minutes before going our way to coastal mall where I will ride a bus back to Las Piñas. Pa’no, ang tagal magtawag ng pasahero. This is the reason why I don’t want to ride buses that pass by that mall. “Pero ano ba naman ang magagawa ko?”

By that time, I remember the Lord reminding me of the song “let it be.” And somehow, I ‘let’ it be…somehow. God knows how I was growing impatient. I just imagined the Lord singing the song to me repetitively. And it helped….somehow.

Strike 4 When I got to coastal mall, I found a jeepney to Alabang na naghihintay pa ng pasahero. Even though I know for sure na ang jeep ang pinakamatagal maghintay ng pasahero sa kostal, I still went in. Several minutes have passed and the jeep is still waiting to be filled with passengers. I had thoughts of just riding a bus kaso nga lang nakatayo. But no. I decided to stay. “patience, Ryan. Paitience.”

Strike 5 After waiting for several minutes sa coastal mall, nasa coastal road na kami when the jeepney turned right to the gas station which I know will take several minutes again. Pa’no, may pila.

Hindi kayo mahihirapang ma-imagine ang itsura ko nito. Para akong monster na nasa loob ng rehas. Nagtitimpi. Nagtitiis. I just told myself “expect more tests” thinking that it will help me if I just expect the worse.

After several minutes, we finally left that gas station and headed back on the road to Zapote. Medyo trapik pagdating ng Zapote but I will not count that as a strike because I expected it.

Strike 6 Nakadaan na ako ng Zapote and I went down to RFC to finally finally like finally buy roses for mom.

“Kuya may roses pa?” I asked the vendor.

“Wala na sir.” He replied calmly.

I knew it. I was trying my best. Pero napiktal talaga. Napiktal ang iniiwasan ni Lord na mapiktal – ang aking pisi ng pasensya.

I was expecting God to help. But he “didn’t” during that time. I went out of RFC and walked towards Value Point which is now Star Mall. He asked me a gentle question along the way.

“Do you want me to help?”

Then I started to vent out my anger towards God. This is the thing na iniiwasan kong mangyari. Because for me, it so unfair to God that I blame Him for things He didn’t do. But I know myself. This is a tendency for me.

This is the reason why I did not pray to God during those strike hours. I knew I was going through fire or tests and I decided not to call on God because if my prayer is not answered, I will be mad at God. And my expectations were for the worse thinking that it will ease up the impact of these frustrations to me.

I told God “No.” I was thinking that I was alone in looking for the roses. I was thinking that God will not care for such a small detail in my life.

“ God, don’t help. I don’t want to blame you for the things that are happening to me now. (which I was, I was just not admitting it). I can do this. I will find roses for my mom. It’s okay. I can do this alone.”

I can’t help it. I was so controlled by my impatience and frustration. When I was saying it to Jesus, I can feel His hurt. I even a heard a voice convicting me and condemning me.

“Really? You can do it alone apart from God?”

“This is the guy who writes Christian stuff at his blog. Look at him now.”

Strike 7 There was no flower shop in Star Mall. I was tired. I was exhausted. I was hungry. I was frustrated. Then I just said.

“Please help me, Lord.”

I walked to SM Hypermarket hopeless. If I find no roses there, I thought I’ll just buy cake. However, I promised my dad that I will give my mom roses. I want to make that promise binding. It is a way to prove to myself that my words have power. And once I have spoken, I will never take it back. This was my motivation of tiring myself in finding roses for mom. I know how my dad loves her and I want to give roses to my mom not just because it will make her happy but because it was something I promised.

I entered SM and went in the hypermarket. I passed by the counters and there, I saw a bunch of roses and flowers waiting to be bought.

“Thank you, Lord.”

I bought the roses and hurriedly went out because it was a bit late already.

Strike 8 I rode another jeepney that waited for passenger very long. Instead of feeling irritated, I felt guilty of how I treated my Jesus.

My mom was very happy ,by the way. Sulit ang pagod ko nung makita ko siyang kumakaway-kaway habang hawak ang bouquets of roses na binili ko sa SM. But I know deep inside that my Jesus was crying. So I talked to Him before I slept.

“Lord, I’m really sorry.”

Then He reminded me how faithful He was to me even though I became faithless. He truly is an unfailing God. And even though I failed the test (kasi napiktal nga), the victory was still mine because God is faithful to make me victorious. Then God told me a remarkable thing.

“Son, you expect the wrong expectations. That’s why you pray the wrong prayers.”

Then if my prayer is not answered, I get mad at God. So I asked Him, “what should have I prayed?”

He answered “that you will get the roses for your mom no matter what.”

God knew that I prayed “Lord, let my plans be fulfilled for tonight without obstructions.”

If I prayed what God wanted me to pray, I know what to expect. That no matter how many strikes will come my way, my eye is on the goal being fulfilled. Ang focus ko would be on Jesus helping me get those roses no matter what.

If I had the right prayer, during those strikes, I would have thought “ Alam ko si Lord. Si Lord Jesus yan eh. If He says I will be able to find roses, then I will be able to find roses! Surely!” Kaso hindi eh. Haha!

But on the good side, God commended me. He told me that I did not give up searching for the roses for mom. He commended me pursuing after what I have promised. Na kahit gutom, kahit pagod, kahit irritable, I did not stop looking for it. Inside me, I know I have to find the flowers, otherwise I will not waste my time walking.

He told me that faith alone without wisdom is useless. It was wisdom to continue looking. It was wisdom not to give up. Faith without action is dead.

It is as if telling me that God, for countless times, wanted to help me in a lot of situations in my life even though I had faith. It’s just that He can’t either because I don’t let Him or I give up very soon.

So first, He taught me the importance of finding out what God wants me to pray for in every situation in my life. Kasi if I will be expecting the wrong expectation, I will be praying the wrong prayer and a wrong prayer will never be answered. And when not answered, I easily give up. I get angry. I get tired.

Dun sa kaso ko, me believing that my plan will be well is human faith. God wants me to have His faith, the God faith, which is believing what He wants me to believe – that He is able and is willing to give me those roses no matter how bad things may go.

In Christianity, I believe na yun lang naman yung faith na pinag-uusapan eh. Not human faith but the God faith. The God faith is to believe in God that He is able and willing.

The God faith teaches me to always focus on the sureness of victory simply because He is a victorious and unfailing God. He does not want me to focus on the situations, not even on how I am supposed to do it.

Having the God faith kasi will produce a mindset that will help me remain calm and cool during times of strikes or trials. Because it is during these times when you will see who you really are. Yung baho ko nalabas sa situation na ito. And God wants it changed.

He revealed to me why I always blamed Him in the past though this situation. Wrong expectations. Wrong prayers. I only had human faith which is the wrong faith. Wrong faith produces wrong prayer. A wrong prayer, God never answers. What is an example of a wrong prayer?

“Dear Lord, Please curse my officemate who is a liar and a backstabber. Send rainclouds over her house and smite her with lightning. Amen.”

Do you expect God to answer that? Wrong faith: Believing that God is able and willing to smite your enemies for you because that’s what He did during Moses’ time. Be careful, with a prayer like that, your enemy is yourself.

Kahit hindi man ganyan ka suklam-suklam ang dasal ko, my prayer “that MY plans be well and without obstruction” is wrong, against God’s will, and is FOOLISH. Wisdom says that as long as you are in this world, there will be trials and tests. I was praying against that. -_-

That’s why I do not see God clearly manifest in my life. He never answers wrong prayers. Without knowing it, I am also putting Him in MY own box through my wrong human faith.

Second, it was not by my work that I became victorious, it was when I asked for help and I partnered with Him by not giving up. Who would have thought na may magbebenta ng bulaklak sa supermarket? For me, it was obviously God intervening in my situation because He is able and willing to make me successful even if I believe that or not. In fact, I believe that real faith will make you think that you are already successful in the beginning!

Para bang yung mga roses na yun, He prepared beforehand. He was just waiting for me to get there kahit na hindi ako naniwala na meron Siyang ibibigay sakin. He was faithful in the beginning. And so victory was set for me sa simula palang. Kung baga ang bola, nasa akin na. Maniniwala ba ako o hindi? Will I push through or not?

Ako, hindi sa naniwala ako na may makikita akong roses kundi I was forcing myself to search para hindi ako mapahiya sa sarili ko at sa dad ko. That’s why I was tired. People who seek will truly find. Pero without God, people can become successful but are tired, fearful, exhausted, and spiritually dead.

These promises of God are already prepared. But only those who forcefully advance in life, not giving up, not quitting, will lay hold of it whether you are Christian or not, whether you believe in God or not.

No wonder why even evil people gets blessed. But their blessing is only earthly, temporal and will die with them.

Ang problema sa ibang mga Kristyano, we only have faith. Walang action. Walang determination. Walang wisdom. Kung baga para kang taong may lung cancer na may faith that God will heal you pero sigarilyo ka parin ng sigarilyo.

Read this:

The Parable of the Shrewd Manager

¹ Jesus told his disciples: “There was a rich man whose manager was accused of wasting his possessions. ² So he called him in and asked him, ‘What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your management, because you cannot be manager any longer.’

³ “The manager said to himself, ‘What shall I do now? My master is taking away my job. I’m not strong enough to dig, and I’m ashamed to beg— ⁴ I know what I’ll do so that, when I lose my job here, people will welcome me into their houses.’

⁵ “So he called in each one of his master’s debtors. He asked the first, ‘How much do you owe my master?’

⁶ “‘Nine hundred gallons^[a] of olive oil,’ he replied.

“The manager told him, ‘Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it four hundred and fifty.’

⁷ “Then he asked the second, ‘And how much do you owe?’

“‘A thousand bushels^[b] of wheat,’ he replied.

“He told him, ‘Take your bill and make it eight hundred.’

⁸ “The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly (wisely). For the people of this world are more shrewd (wise) in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light (christians). ⁹ I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings (which is a person’s heart).

(Luke 16:1-9, emphasis added)

Eto ah, si Jesus na ang nagsabi na what the bad man did was wise. He even said that godless people are wiser in dealing with other people compared to us Christians. Which is sort of my point.

Faith and wisdom is always a partner. Take one away and you lose your physical or your spiritual side.

I can be compared to that bad person. I had no faith but I did something commendable which enabled God to manifest His promise of victory in my life. However, I lost my spiritual kasi I sinned, I lost patience, I lost grace.

Yung nangyari sa’kin is a proof that God is truly able and is willing. But if I had stopped searching, I will not be able to have what God has prepared to me. I would not be able to make my mom happy. I would have broken my word to my dad. Then I could be mad at God and my faith could have grown worse.

But thank God for this lesson. On that same night, I gave glory to God. I thank Him for being patient and merciful with me. I thank Him for teaching me this super important lesson that I know, for sure, will change my attitude, will change my mindset, will change my behavior, will change my prayers.

Glory to God in the highest!