Naalala ko nung nasa deathbed pa si lola, I assigned myself to watch over her sa hospital kasi my mom has been watching all night. I imagined the Lord Jesus, wearing white robe, sitting on the bed, caressing my lola. (Ngayon ko lang na-realize na that moment na kala ko imagination lang, eh is spiritually true. He was really there.) Ganito pa nga ang sabi ni Lord sa’kin.
“ Why are you worrying, son? If you really know who I am, you will not be worrying like that.”
These words kept my high hopes until the very end. Kasi I know that God is our healer. His will is ALWAYS to heal. Sickness did not come from Him nor has He any way to give it to us. Sickness is an enemy. My lola was in comma state by the way. Kaya before she died, walang conversation na katulad ng napapanood natin sa drama sa tv.
Now put yourself in my shoes. Isipin mo na ikaw ay ako. Sobrang naniniwala ka na gagaling pa si lola. Then she didn’t. In fact, she died. Wouldn’t you start to doubt the Word? Di ba?
I complained like a child. “Lord, kala ko ba ganito ganyan…sabi niyo ganito ganyan….” It was a test of faith. Now, I believe that God wanted my lola healed no matter what. He did His part…...I didn’t. It was a test.
People will say na “God does not give test.” True. But He allows it.
8 In the whole land,” declares the LORD,
“two-thirds will be struck down and perish;
yet one-third will be left in it.
9 This third I will put into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, ‘They are my people,’
and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’” Zechariah 13:8-9
Then sasabihin sa’kin “ang sama naman ni Lord.” Then I will say that He allows tests in our lives for our own good. Bakit?
Sometimes, we think we already know it, but guess what. Alam niya na as long as we live, marami pa tayong mararanasan na pangyayari na pwedeng ikamatay o ikabagsak natin physically, mentally and spiritually. Sobrang mahal tayo ni Lord na ayaw niya tayong maging defenseless and weak against the blows of life (because we do not know anything or we thought we knew but not really).
See it this way. We hated our teachers for giving us “sarprise” quizzes. Tama? Ang humindi, plastic at sinungaling. Bakit sarprise kamo? Kasi when they give such, ang SARPNILASAPAKIN. I really hate surprise quizzes. I do not know if my teachers take pleasure in giving them but most of the time, we are caught unprepared.
I WAS CAUGHT UNPREPARED IN THIS SURPRISE QUIZ FROM GOD.
Do I hate surprise quizzes, even if it is from God? My answer may not have changed yet. Yes, I hate them. And I admit, however shameful this is, that SARPNILASAPAKIN feeling towards God arose. I think, in one point in our life, we blamed God for something. I’m just being honest.
But as I experience more surprise quizzes, sa tingin niyo ba tama pa na sabihing “sarprise” quiz yun.
If you read my previous article, it is written there and in the bible that as long as we live in this world, we will have tribulations. Habang nabubuhay, tuloy-tuloy ang surprise quizzes. This is a piece of wisdom you should keep.
Malalaman mo ang taong wais sa hindi if they always fail surprise quizzes knowing na it should not be surprising anymore. I was one of this not-so-wais. I do not say I’m so-wais now. But I can boldly say I have moved away from the not-so-wais state.
Tempt is different from test. Sa context palang, ibang-iba na. God will never tempt you, but He will definitely test you.
See it ulit this way para klaro tayo sa difference ng temptation sa test. Kunwari nagbigay ng exam si ma’am. Ang temptation ganito…”iho, tama lahat ang sagot ng katabi mo, dali, tignan mo at kopyahin mo.” Dun palang, we know that God will never do that. That’s the devil’s job.
Test is more of like observation in God’s point of view. He will allow certain things to happen to your life and He will test you by observing how you will deal with it.
Going back. I know I failed the test kasi I doubted the Word. It was funny sa church namin, they talk about expectation and audacious faith. Parang sinadya. And every time I heard teachings on miracles and faith, I control myself not to walk out of church. It means I was shaken….caught unprepared. Ano ang score ko? Bagsak. Probably 3/10.
Whenever I have scores like that, lagi kong sinsabi sa sarili ko na ayaw ko na ulit magkaron ng score na ganyan. If I detail this faith struggle I had, it will be very long. Pero in this article, I just want to admit that I failed the test. God is never the problem. Ako ang may problema. Hindi kasi ako nag-aaral kaya pagdating ng surprise quiz, bagsakerz ako.
Pero, I learned my lesson. I learned that those trial times are the perfect times when we can use our faith. We will know if you use it or not. Do you use human faith or the faith of God? I admit, I looked at the physical, meaning kung anong nakita ko (hopelessness, death), that is what I believed. I know the word, pero may unbelief. So the thing I expected to happen, did not happen. I had a weak faith and therefore I had a weak prayer.
I remember, I even thought na if I had more money, di mangyayari to, o mapapagaling pa si lola. Isang malaking kalokohan pala yun.
Even if I am the richest person on earth, I cannot do anything, nor can my money, nor can machines do anything to save the life of my loved one. But you know what God did?
He used a red ball pen with such a special, precious ink. With this experience, I have proven this scripture true:
10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11 They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
Revelation 12: 10-11
The Blood works, I tell you! I am nothing without the Lord. Siya lang talaga ang matatakbuhan mo in times of great challenges.
So this article that you read is my testimony, and I have overcome, like an almost- refined gold out of the blazing fire, through this testimony and through the Blood of Jesus Christ. I shout out to the heavens “THE LORD IS TRULY MY GOD!”
I may have failed this one, but the next “sarprise” quiz will not be surprising anymore. So bring it on!
To God be the highest glory and honor and thanksgiving!
Kung naka-relate ka sa sinulat ko, say this with me:
Father God,
Forgive me for the times that I blame you for the bad things that happened in my life. Lord, when I experience these things, I blame everyone but myself, including you. Lord sorry ha. It is so unfair that you get the blame when in fact the fault was mine. Lord, I know that your thoughts for me are good. They are to prosper me and not to harm me. Hindi ko ipagdadasal na sana wala nang surprise quizzes. Para akong nagdasal na sana alisin niyo po ang araw sa solar system. Pero pinagdadasal ko Lord na huwag niyo akong iiwan sa gitna ng surprise quizzes ng buhay. Alam ko Lord na gusto mo akong magtagumpay sa lahat ng ito. At kung hindi man, I know Lord na tutulungan mo akong bumangon ulit. Salamat Lord sa haba ng pasensya niyo sa’kin. Salamat Lord kay Jesus, ang anak niyo, dahil sa ginawa niya sa krus kaya ko nasasabi na I will overcome whatever I am going through ngayon.
I plead for His Blood in my life. For I believe that with it, I will overcome all trials and tests.
In Jesus’ name, I boldly pray. Amen.
P.S.
Lord, bigyan niyo sana ako ng bonus points sa score ko. Love you.
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