A Real Friend

I was in distress this past week. I was under a big emotional storm. It was so big that I lost the reason why I need to do my job in my company. (That should give you a clue already)

Tinamad ako to the point that I do not feel like doing anything at all. Then a dear friend went online in YM and checked how I was doing.

He became very honest with me. Kaya naman I vented out my recent experience to him. I told him the hatred that was forming in my heart. After that, he typed a message that somehow intrigued me.

“You’re so human.” (not the exact words)

I was like ‘what the heck!!!!!’ OFCOURSE I AM! (in my mind) Pero I asked him what made him say that.

This friend has been very open with his life to me. I am very honored to be trusted by this person though I am not much of help.

But I wasn’t really very open to him. Bakit? I am not used to doing that. Bakit? Di ako nasanay mag-tiwala sa ibang tao, lalo na ng buhay ko. Bakit? My past has something to do with it. I decided to close my world to people until recently when the Lord started correcting me.

So when he has problems, he calls me or I text him so that we can meet. I try to give him a Christian advice that can help him. I listen, then I give him possible options he can do that might help.

I never called anyone for counsel or just to vent out my emotions. Di ko talaga ginagawa yun dahil nga I grew up being able to handle myself. Until that time when I chose to vent out sa YM. he told me I was human. It made me laugh and intrigued at the same time.

“Kasi para bang you’re life is perfect. You’re so holy.” He told me.

“Oh” I replied, hiding the soon-to-burst feeling.

“It’s good to know that you also experience what I do.” He said.

I wanted to bang my head on the wall. In my mind, KUNG ALAM MO LANG, you will never say ‘I’m so holy.’ I felt guilty. Was I that closed to them? How come they saw me like that? I refuse to be called holy dahil una, I am not apart from the Lord; pangalawa, I fail the Lord a lot of times. I refuse to be called perfect.

That’s why in my heart, I knew it’s prangkahan time.

“ I do not want to show that part of me sa inyo kasi I know you will need someone who is stable. I was acting stable so that you guys will find it safe to just open up to me.” I said.

“We don’t go to you because you’re stable.” He replied.

“I don’t want you guys to carry what I carry because it will just add to your problems.” I said.

“Then that’s not being friends at all!” He said.

That time, I knew the Lord had something to do with it. I was totally rebuked by the Lord through this friend. In my mind, the Lord started speaking.

He reminded me that I am the type na I should always have something to answer or to help their problems. Eto yung takbo ng utak ko kaya ko nasabi na ayoko nang makadagdag sa dinadala nila, thinking na when I vent out to them, they too should be able to give me a solution to my problem.

You can never have the solution to their problems. Only I have the solution. I AM the solution.

“Lord, what’s my job then?”

A real friend knows how to listen, to encourage, and to comfort regardless if he can help or not. A real friend knows that companionship during the fire is better than triumph.

Without me knowing, I just typed the word “sorry” in the YM chat box. I thought I was being a friend. Turns out, I wasn’t.

Funny how this lesson can relate to my relationship with the Lord. Most of the time, during the trials of my life, I pray for victory over the test. But I seldom pray for the Lord’s companionship during the test.

I always pray for the solution, but fellowship with Him, rarely.

Oh how have I missed a lot of climax in my life. For the adventure with trusted friends is better than the goal itself.

What is victory if you were alone? Parang ngayon, I have this feeling na I rather fail but together with those whom I trust than to be victorious alone.

Wouldn’t it be way better if we overcome a test knowing that we weren’t alone? That a friend remained by our side and became loyal to us?

Doesn’t this make you love Jesus more? Because it certainly did for me. He never left me nor forsake me. He was there during my down times kahit I ignore Him. Jesus is loyal to me that’s why I just can’t help but say

“…Lord…I trust you with my whole life...thank you Holy Spirit for being a real friend to me. ..teach me more how to be a real friend like You.”