The problem isn’t over yet. Thank God, my family’s
okay. Now we face the money part. And it’s funny how I was faithful the last time
and doubtful again this time.
I feel that I have to do something to solve the
problem.
In truth, I can’t. I don’t earn a lot. I don’t have
any business. And I don’t plan on adding more loans to what we already have.
The things I felt that I wrote in the previous
article all came back.
“Why do I have to suffer? Why me? I work hard to
avoid problems. I obey God’s word to avoid future troubles. Bla bla bla”
You can imagine me very tired and heavily burdened
once again.
“Lord, provide for us PLEASE.”
It was also funny I was giving God deadlines. I
think it would be a normal reaction for someone who fears. But the thing is, I
lost faith….again. I was kind of worried. The faith spark was gone. However how
many times I recite the Gospel, it wasn’t working as it used to.
I was never overwhelmed by any problem before. This
one was a major thing. And it was sucking my life out. I even got sick and
still experiencing slight fever.
One time, a brother in faith texted me. He said “The
Lord told me to focus my prayer to you. How are you?”
This simple thing made me feel special in the Lord’s
eyes. It made me feel that the Lord is concerned about me.
I told my friend that I want to meet up with him
and vent out things that I kept to myself for weeks. He urged me to meet up
because it plays an important role in the body of Christ.
So we met up at Gateway Mall, Cubao and had coffee.
He ministered to me by reading me verses. When I saw him, I became happy seeing
this same guy who I used to minister a year ago minister to me now.
That spiritual pride of mine was stripped off. Note
1: We are all the same in the body of Christ. We need each other. And we need to meet up in a regular basis.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as isthe manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews10:23-25
The good thing about this brother is that he doesn’t
just give me biblical advice. He shared to me personal experiences and
testimonies of other Christians who are going through a lot of things. And one
of the things that touched me was when he said
“even though Christians fall, sin, go through trials
and fail, they are still on the right path.”
It made me think how God loves me so much that not
even my wrong decisions or the burdens in life or wrong turns can separate me
from His perfect will. All along, I thought I was lost. But as He said
And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. John 6:39
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. John 10:27-28
“God loves me so much.” I thought to myself in
small tears.
The brother also told me that I have been very
legalistic in life. That I do the right things and expect good things in
return. That is why I said to the Lord
“I don’t deserve whatever is happening to me.”
Note 2: Do the right thing because it’s the right
thing and because you love God.
And to complete the holy unburdening process, he
urged me to stop looking at the problem as the “problem.” This is the reason
all I thought about for the past weeks was the “solution.” No wonder I grew
tired.
Note 3: Let it be. Let God do His work. He has a
good plan and purpose for all the things that I am going through.
I was able to smile again. Then I remembered what
the Great Director taught me while spending time with Him in a park. God told
me that my life is like a movie. He wrote the script with a happy ending. Only
He can direct it.
Every time we choose to direct our own life movie,
it’s not a surprise that it will have a tragic ending. But if we let God direct
our lives, surely, it will always be a happy ending.
So why am I experiencing all these? I don't know. I don't need to know. I just know that God will never ever lead me to destruction. He will lead me to greener pastures.
So Lord, as your son, I can’t believe I am saying this in the
middle of a tough financial battle (a major shift in my prayers) but I say to You
“Father, let your will be done.....not mine anymore.”
As a future film director of the Lord, I say to You
“Direk, let your will be done according to Your script.”
