I Will Never Leave You Nor Forsake You

I often get to a point where I think I’m spiritual enough to pass any test, especially if they’re spiritual by nature. I love it when the Lord proves me wrong.

I’m experiencing a so-called spiritual famine. It is a place, rather, a state of mind where I just feel rebellious to the Lord. It’s true that I love the Lord. But in a way, I can’t seem to understand why I am allowing myself to disobey God to such extent.

I am not as holy as I seem to be. Without the Lord, you bet! 

It all went downhill when I was terribly sick. One action of disobedience has led me to do more. I do not understand. I should be within the boundaries of grace and yet I was willingly sinning. 

“What happened?”

I remember the Lord foretelling this spiritual famine (in which, at first, I thought was a financial crisis only). One night, when I was praying in the spirit, I sensed the Lord telling me

“There’s going to be a crisis.”

This is one of those prophecies that I honestly don’t want to hear. However, it was very clear what He spoke. What amazes me is the fact that I wasn’t surprised at all. It was as if I knew it already. But He continued

“You will get through it, for I will be with you.”

Then a series of unfortunate events began. First a financial crisis struck the family, then my physical [area], then my spiritual, then my career. It was horrible. Satan was obviously pulling me down. I grew tired. I grew stressed. I wanted to quit my job. I wanted to stay mad at everyone. It made me happy doing the bad things and thinking the bad thoughts.

“Good Lord, help me.”

The voices of the enemy became louder and louder. “It’s all your fault! You’re not a good Christian! It is because you disobeyed Christ that you experience what you experience. You don’t have enough money because…..! Bla-Bla-Bla”

I prayed. I declared. I rebuked. But it was as if they were no use at all.

My lesson number one: Surrender.

I was riding the MRT to Ayala when I suddenly decided

“ Ahhhh-I give up, Lord. Bahala na kung anong mangyari. Bahala ka na, Lord. Pagod na pagod na’ko. I give up. If this is who I am to be for the many years to come, so be it. I give to you all these things I carry. Bahala na.”

Then, there was a dramatic change of feelings. The heaviness I was feeling was gone all of a sudden. I can pray again in the spirit.

It’s funny how the basic foundational lessons I thought I have learned can be forgotten that easily. Surely, I am still learning myself. Uhuh, humbled again.

But the crisis wasn’t over. I was still enjoying and even desiring rebellion.

Next stop on Satan’s list is my job. It was as if the world does not want me to finish the project assigned to me. Everything just went wrong.

“Wala na bang katapusan ito?” I screamed.

I was drifting away from the Lord. It was as if I wasn’t close to Him anymore. I did not feel the same way I felt about Him before. The love I had for Him seemed to have grown cold. For me, it was alarming.

“What is happening?”

My lesson number two: Jesus

Of all the names I can forget, why the name above all names? I seem to have forgotten this name nor was there a desire to mention it at all. I reminded myself that this wonderful journey I am enjoying all started from this Person who sacrificed Himself for me. Oh, how horrible I felt. Imagine forgetting the name of your spouse who loves you with his all. It was, for me, unforgivable. How could I do that to the one who saved my life?

“Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus”

I immersed myself in His name.

“Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.”

If spirit experts call the name of the spirit to summon them, I call on the name of the Lord that He may return and draw near me again.

“Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Yeshua. Yeshua. Hesus. Hesus.”

People may see it crazy. But I was desperate. And the word says “those who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” The crisis may not be over but I was assured of my victory because I remembered the name Jesus.

I realized it is so easy to forget the spiritual things you have learned when you choose to focus on the circumstances and on yourself. The gravest thing one can do is to forget his Source of Help.

And yes, the gravest thing happened to me in my work. Oh, boy. It was ten times more horrible than the previous.

I was to make a tile mural again for my boss and my deadline was quickly approaching. The important machine to finish the job was broken so I had to surrender it to a repair shop. And it seemed that the shop cannot fix it soon enough and I was getting really worried. I don’t have enough money to buy a new machine so my Oplan-Abono ain’t gonna work. It was dead hopeless. I saw no faith that the machine can be fixed in time.

I was down, hopeless, desperate when I went to work. Of course no one else knew about it because I’m very good at hiding my true feelings. I was smiling and laughing along with others but deep inside, I was fearful. Still, I was trying to convince myself that the Lord will surely help me.

So on the last scheduled day, I went to the shop somehow convinced that the Lord will help us fix it. I was on my way when I sensed that this kind of faith I had (a faith with doubt on the side) is no faith at all. If I was still quite unsure that there will be no help, I better prepare myself for the worst.

And the “worst” occurred. I waited long and they were not able to fix the machine on the last deadline-safe day. I was half dead. On those hours, I can be likened to a doomed someone who left a company suitcase containing one million peso cash on a taxi that already went away for hours. 

“I’ve had it! If the Lord will not help me, I’ll do this on my own. I will deliver this even if the Lord does not care, even if He does not help. I will surely deliver. I will finish that project! I will deliver! ”

I gave up on God. I felt alone. I felt rejected. I felt doomed.

After a few while, the Holy Spirit convicted me of how foolish my words were. It’s a good thing the Holy Spirit, though grieved, did not depart from me. I can still hear Him in my deepest despair. I was like Job, with more words, I multiply my sins before God.

Anyway, the Holy Spirit made me realize that if the Lord Himself will not help me, who in the world can? Next, it is impossible that the Lord is not involved because the very breath I have comes from Him. But I was still sad and disappointed. I did not talk to God though I was saying sorry for the way I choose to act.

“It’s only tampururot. It will be gone in time.”

Deep inside me, I did not hate God at all. I may feel hurt, but that does not mean I hate Him. I kept on reminding myself, I do not love God for His hands (favor, blessings) but for His presence. I reminded myself that when no one was there for me, Jesus was and He will always be.

“Tampo lang ito. It will be gone sooner or later.”

I was like a child not given a Christmas present. I woke up feeling bad. I went to work very early feeling bad.  

My lesson number three: Praise and worship especially if you don’t want to

So in my misery, I sat down and reclined on my table.  I turned on my phone hoping to get comfort on the non-Christian songs I have there. Suddenly, there was an urge to listen to just one worship song hoping something might change.

Then I felt the power of the Holy Spirit just drift in. It was completely unexpected. I was like

“You know what, I don’t care whatever happens anymore. I don’t care if my boss gets mad at me. I don’t care if that bloody machine can’t be fixed. I WILL WORSHIP AND PRAISE THE LORD TODAY BECAUSE HE MATTERS!”

I was thinking, in this life, God is the one who really matters. Screw all those little things. They can’t kill me anyway. I will still live even though this job is not accomplished and I get fired for not doing this.

I was empowered. I was encouraged. I was strengthened. I was ready to fight and finish this thing. It was like a magic spell was cast upon me, one good white magic spell.

I realized, what I carry in my phone is powerful. These songs are spiritual warfare songs I took for granted. When my heart fails to sing a song unto the Lord, these recorded pieces will help me enter the presence of God in a tremendous way.

So after this, I stood up and prepared myself to buy a new machine, my last resort to finish the job. I got my tithes (which I was hesitant to use) and all the remaining money (which was supposed to be my budget until my next paycheck) in my bank and went to Manila even though I know it was still flooded there.

“If they cannot fix that machine, I will buy a new one even if it costs me.”

I went on my way filled with the Holy Spirit power. I do not know if I will be helped but I just had hope I will deliver the project which was due the next day.

Help no. 1:

I got to the shop hoping they have plenty of machine stock. The saleslady told me there was none. But there was a new machine of that sort which was displayed on their shelf and no one knows who owns it. The saleslady asked around and no one seems to know who placed that there. That machine was sold to me! I know for sure God, the Lord of heaven and earth, prepared it beforehand just for me.

Help no. 2:

I got back to Makati and went straight to the repair shop where I took the old machine. I brought them the new machine so that they may convert it properly for my use. I was expecting a service charge of Php 400. But what I got in my wallet was only Php 300 only. So I prayed. The technician called the head office to ask how much to charge me. The head office charged me exactly Php 300. Coincident? I don’t think so.

Help no. 3:

It normally takes two days to finish baking 40 pieces of 8 by 8 inch size tiles. I baked 50 + tiles in 3 hours.

“Surely, the Lord helped me.”

The project was done. The tile mural was colorful and excellently done.

“Great job, Rye” says my boss.

My lesson number four: Have faith. He lives in Me.

My life verse is “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” It’s kind of sad I have forgotten this verse. If only I remembered, I would not have said those foolish words.

The Lord will help us in all our troubles. He cares for what you care, little or small. As surely as the sun will rise, He will help you and He will get you through. He will never abandon you or ever reject you. He shall be faithful even if you are not. He lives in you. He enjoys living in you. So why will He leave you?

The Lord our God reigns.

So if next time, I feel like the Lord will not come through, I will remind myself of this experience. If the Lord helped me here, surely the Lord will help me again.

In the midst of a spiritual famine, God remains faithful. Remember what He told me before?

“You will get through it, for I WILL BE WITH YOU.”

Galing, noh?

And just to magnify His awesomeness, here is Psalm 91:14-16 of different translations:

Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name [has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love, and kindness—trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never].

He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation. (AMP)

==

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,

      "I'll get you out of any trouble.

   I'll give you the best of care

      if you'll only get to know and trust me.

   Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;

      I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.

   I'll give you a long life,

      give you a long drink of salvation!" (MSG)

==

“Because  Ryan loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;

    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 Ryan will call on me, and I will answer him;

    I will be with him in trouble,

    I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life I will satisfy Ryan

    and show him my salvation. ”  (RYE)

I pray that the readers of this post will come to a point where the word of God is not anymore just a psychological treatment to make them feel good despite feeling bad. May the Word be alive and really happen right before their very eyes.