The Good Shepherd

“ Lord, I want to be close to you.”

This has been my prayer for the past months. And during the past months until now, I have been experiencing intense trials in my life.

There were times when I felt hopeless. Sometimes, I felt disappointed.

THINGS ARE NOT GOING THE WAY I WANT IT TO. The end is most of the time not according to my plan. What’s worse, I end up really messing up BIG TIME.

I can’t help but ask. “Is this really how it is for those who want to be close to you?”

It’s so hard. It’s so lonely. Even though I pray and pray and spend more time with God, things do not turn out really good.

I wanted to RUN! But now, my life, in my view, is not moving at all. The spirit of stagnancy is always striking me.

“I want to do this! I want to reach that! I want to buy this! I want to achieve that!”

It sucks when your dreams are seemingly impossible at the moment. Instead of being free, I FEEL restrained. I feel like my feet are tied so that every time I try to walk forward with my own efforts, I fall down.

This is probably what they say “the wilderness” in a christian’s life.

It’s not good. It’s not easy. It’s not something to behold. And the temptation to complain is so strong.

I’ll be honest. I am, like everyone else, a human being. There’s that voice telling me to quit, to stop ‘living a holy life,’ to just do what my flesh dictates and trust on my own skills.

“After all, I have the skills to be RICH.”

“ Instead of focusing on the word, focus on increasing my skills in graphic arts.”

I feel rebelling some time. But I praise the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ that through His Son, I am given the grace to continue, to persevere. I always remind myself that I HAVE WALKED TOO FAR WITH THE LORD TO BACK OUT. I MIGHT AS WELL MOVE FORWARD AND KEEP ON.

Then there was a time I was listening to a preaching. This picture became the subject.

The preacher explained the true meaning behind the picture of the Good Shepherd.

She said that this is how shepherds deal with the sheep that keeps wandering from the herd, always ending up lost and in trouble.

The shepherd breaks the legs of the sheep. He carries it on his shoulders. He brings it wherever he goes until the time the legs heal. The sheep gets personal attention with the shepherd.

And when healed, the sheep will be so used to being close to the shepherd that it will choose not to leave his side and wander off again.

It struck me so hard, tears came out of my eyes.

The preacher continued

“Stop despising the wilderness you are at. It is one of the most beautiful places you will ever be in your life because you will get to know God in a personal way. You're finding out that what's in the bible works, that God is faithful, that He is always by your side, that He will never leave you nor forsake you!”

And the Lord, that wonderful awesome Lord,  blessed my heart again with His word.

I praise you Lord Jesus. Even though things are not going the way I want to, I praise you Lord. I love you. Thank you, Good Shepherd ,for giving me the opportunity to rest on your shoulders and spend quality, intimate time with you. I know one day, when You think I am ready, I will enter the Promised Land without ever leaving Your side or forgetting You. Lord, I truly want to be close to You."

    

Speaking the Word of God

These past few weeks had been intense spiritual warfare time for me. Messing with the devil is fun. But when they catch you off-guard, they will use that opportunity to strike you with lies and heavy emotions.

Everytime na papasok ako, may mga araw na okay lang, may mga araw na I am excited for the day, at may mga araw na parang I just want to quit.

Nandoon nanaman yung mga atake ng enemy:

·         Ilang taon ka na diyan ganyan parin sweldo mo

·         People do not appreciate the extra effort you do

·         You’re not happy anymore with what you are doing

·         You are accused of causing the lag pero hindi naman totoo

·         Paano ka makaka-ipon sa maliit mong sweldo

·         Quit! Quit! Quit! Quit!

This is how I pray to God when I feel down in the morning:

·         Lord, I’m here again, in this office.

·         Give me the strength to endure.

·         Di ko na kasi kaya. Ang liit-liit na nga ng sweldo ko

·         Tapos ganito-ganyan

·         I praise you and I bless you

·         I thank you rin

Sa huli, parang walang effect yung prayer ko kasi I had been praying with my problems a lot.

Then one morning, while contemplating on these things, parang may voice na nagsabi sakin  “straighten up, worship God now!”

 I was compelled to obey the voice maski ayaw kong gawin.

Kasi mahirap i-worship si Lord when you are in the pit (state of thinking about your situation too much na parang pakiramdam mo you’re trapped). Hindi ko siya feel gawin kaya hindi ko ginagawa. Pero that morning, I felt strongly compelled to do it.

So I closed my eyes and started thinking of who God is in my life. Then I started speaking it out loud.

·         God you are my provider!

·         You are my refuge and my strength!

·         You are the lover of my soul!

·         The rock of my salvation!

·         You are merciful and kind to me!

·         You gave me things I do not deserve!

·         You love me unconditionally!

·         I bless you and I praise you. I thank you Lord.

Then, I started addressing myself.

·         Ryan, you are saved! Jesus is your Lord and Savior.

·         Ryan, God’s existence and His involvement in your life is too evident!

·         There is a big big difference from the Ryan then than the Ryan now.

·         Ryan, your life is on the palm of His hand. No one can pluck you away from Him!

·         What He began in you, He will finish! He is a faithful God!

·         Do not ever think that He will not provide for you! Didn’t He provide for the hospital bills of your lola that you were so worried about? Never ever think that He won’t provide in the future!

·         Have your God ever failed you? Never!!

·         Ryan, His plans are perfect! Every mistake you make is a perfection of His plans! Do not fear in making wrong decisions! DO not fear on going around the same mountain! It’s still part of His perfect plan!

·         Ryan, He will never leave you nor forsake you! He is with you all the time!

·         He knows your situation! If there’s one person who cares about you the most, it is your beloved Jesus!

·         Rye, He will always be there. Focus on Him. Magnify Him! If God be for you, who can ever be against you?

·         Rye, the fact that you are changed means God is fighting your battles! He is for you, surely! Surely! Surely!

The words were flowing like water from my mouth. Hindi ako nahirapan na isipin yung mga salita. It was just going out. And after this, I felt extremely good. I felt a dramatic change in my feelings. I felt courage to do something na I was hesitant to do. I forgave a friend who made me angry for the whole week.

Just now I realize, this might be the fulfillment of the verse that the Lord Jesus said – that in us are rivers of living water!

That was the first time I preached to myself. Actually, I have been preaching to myself everyday. Pero it was the first time I preached LIFE to myself. It was the first time I used the word of God to myself. And it worked!!

The word of God is truly alive and powerful!

Most of the times, we like preaching the word to other people. But the Lord revealed to me that it is even more important to preach the word to ourselves.

Another thing, stop being enemies with yourself! You will not be able to speak life at all if you persecute (pity, blame, wound) your own self.

Paano mo malalaman na you are at war with yourself? If you say these things in your mind:

·         Di mo kaya yan

·         Ano ba yan! Palpak nanaman ako!

·         Lagi nalang ako talo! Ganyan naman talaga.

·         Ryan (your name), you are so undisciplined, so selfish, so…(negative adjectives)! How can God ever put up with you!

·         Yan kasi! Ikaw may kasalanan niyan! Yan kasi!

Kasi if eto lagi laman ng isip mo, then these things are the words you will speak to yourself and to others.

But if you magnify God in your mind, and you DECIDE to spare yourself from yourself, then words of life will flow from your mouth. The good thing is, other people will benefit from it.

Preaching/speaking to yourself is applying the word of God. Kasi kapag aasa ka lang sa naririnig mo sa simbahan, eh every Sunday lang yun! Pano yung Monday mo hanggang Saturday?

When is the best time to worship God and preach to yourself? When you don’t feel like doing so!

God bless y’all!