The Good Shepherd

“ Lord, I want to be close to you.”

This has been my prayer for the past months. And during the past months until now, I have been experiencing intense trials in my life.

There were times when I felt hopeless. Sometimes, I felt disappointed.

THINGS ARE NOT GOING THE WAY I WANT IT TO. The end is most of the time not according to my plan. What’s worse, I end up really messing up BIG TIME.

I can’t help but ask. “Is this really how it is for those who want to be close to you?”

It’s so hard. It’s so lonely. Even though I pray and pray and spend more time with God, things do not turn out really good.

I wanted to RUN! But now, my life, in my view, is not moving at all. The spirit of stagnancy is always striking me.

“I want to do this! I want to reach that! I want to buy this! I want to achieve that!”

It sucks when your dreams are seemingly impossible at the moment. Instead of being free, I FEEL restrained. I feel like my feet are tied so that every time I try to walk forward with my own efforts, I fall down.

This is probably what they say “the wilderness” in a christian’s life.

It’s not good. It’s not easy. It’s not something to behold. And the temptation to complain is so strong.

I’ll be honest. I am, like everyone else, a human being. There’s that voice telling me to quit, to stop ‘living a holy life,’ to just do what my flesh dictates and trust on my own skills.

“After all, I have the skills to be RICH.”

“ Instead of focusing on the word, focus on increasing my skills in graphic arts.”

I feel rebelling some time. But I praise the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ that through His Son, I am given the grace to continue, to persevere. I always remind myself that I HAVE WALKED TOO FAR WITH THE LORD TO BACK OUT. I MIGHT AS WELL MOVE FORWARD AND KEEP ON.

Then there was a time I was listening to a preaching. This picture became the subject.

The preacher explained the true meaning behind the picture of the Good Shepherd.

She said that this is how shepherds deal with the sheep that keeps wandering from the herd, always ending up lost and in trouble.

The shepherd breaks the legs of the sheep. He carries it on his shoulders. He brings it wherever he goes until the time the legs heal. The sheep gets personal attention with the shepherd.

And when healed, the sheep will be so used to being close to the shepherd that it will choose not to leave his side and wander off again.

It struck me so hard, tears came out of my eyes.

The preacher continued

“Stop despising the wilderness you are at. It is one of the most beautiful places you will ever be in your life because you will get to know God in a personal way. You're finding out that what's in the bible works, that God is faithful, that He is always by your side, that He will never leave you nor forsake you!”

And the Lord, that wonderful awesome Lord,  blessed my heart again with His word.

I praise you Lord Jesus. Even though things are not going the way I want to, I praise you Lord. I love you. Thank you, Good Shepherd ,for giving me the opportunity to rest on your shoulders and spend quality, intimate time with you. I know one day, when You think I am ready, I will enter the Promised Land without ever leaving Your side or forgetting You. Lord, I truly want to be close to You."